At the Eternal Warrior Podcast, we are blessed to speak with hundreds of real-life warriors about their recovery journeys. In these conversations we learn what has worked well for them and where they consistently struggle. As we look back on these interviews, it has become incredibly obvious to us that what determines whether a battle is won or lost is only partially due to the Warrior's will to win and his value system. Let's be honest - you wouldn't be reading this if your value system didn't say that you want porn out of your life. Yet you still find yourself losing battles that you don't want to lose. You hate pornography! You hate what you fear you have turned into. So then why do you still find yourself losing battles? The answer to that is not as straightforward as we would hope and rarely one-size fits all; however, we believe that a critical component that most warriors overlook is that the environment around them isn't always conducive to winning battles, and unfortunately, may even be actively working against them. Our aim in this article is to highlight ways to help take back control and tip the scales in our favor.
Questions 5 and 6 of the Captain's Log in Like Dragons Did They Fight ask us to consider the circumstances leading up to our lost battle and how Satan might try to get us again in the future. Re-read your own lost battle analyses. How many entries start out reading something like this?:
I had been home alone from school for a few hours, just flipping through the channels looking for something to watch...
I was scrolling through tiktok/instagram in the bathroom...
I was waiting to head out to basketball practice/YM Activities/etc. so I was watching some funny YouTube videos...
My mind started to wander on Saturday Morning when I get to take longer showers than normal...
Let's take a look at the commonalities that we see in each of these scenarios:
1. LACK OF PURPOSE: Notice how each situation is actually an example of passive living, or seeking to just pass time. None of these warriors had a sense of purpose with what he was doing in the moment. Don't get me wrong, we'll still have moments of boredom/passivity throughout our lives, but how the rest of our environment is shaped in those moments matters. And if having a lack of purpose is coupled with some of the other elements for a lost battle listed below, then you can pretty much chalk up an "L", no matter how much willpower we might be able to conjur up.
2. LONELINESS: Have you ever lost a battle with someone else in the room or watching? I sure hope not! Addiction lives in the shadows. Pornography and masturbation are solitary experiences. Each of the scenarios above show a warrior fighting on his own. Again, there will be a lot of alone time in life and it's not realistic to literally be with another person every second of the day (even for full-time missionaries). Self-motivated, purpose-driven isolated time is some of the most holy and powerful that you will experience in mortality. But being alone, idle, and with a phone in your hands is a recipe for failure, even if you've already completed your MANPWR for the day.
3. GIVING THE ENEMY A WEAPON: I know we all know this one, but it's still really hard to accept, acknowledge, and act accordingly. We've all got phones. And it's naive to think that you can function successfully in the modern age without a smart phone. I applaud many of you who have given up your smart phone for an older, non-internet flip phone. But one day you are going to get a job which will require you to have a smart phone. My recommendation is to start now. Master the awesome responsibility of having technology in your pocket as a teen. If you can own it without it owning you (not just for pornography use but for mind-numbing, time-wasting use as well) then you will be miles ahead of your peers.
In the scenarios above we have a variety of channels or weapons that satan uses to *flash* images into our mind that can start the satanic spin and get us going down the chemical scale quickly. Smartphones, television, computers, and even our own idle mind are all weapons that satan can turn against us if we aren't vigilant.
I don't care if you are on a 1,000 day MANPWR streak and have been a General for over a year - If you are in a situation where all 3 of these elements combine, YOU WILL LOSE A BATTLE.
Well crap! That sounds pretty tough, right!? Sounds like I'm doomed. Not so! Remember that "The Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them" (1 Ne. 3:7). Even if we change one element of these scenarios, things can change dramatically! Instead of solo channel surfing after school, why not a friend over to play your new video game or to plan how you are going to ask to the next school dance? Instead of scrolling through your phone in the bathroom, leave your phone outside and grab a copy of the conference edition of the Ensign and read the Prophet's latest counsel for us. While you're waiting for basketball practice, instead of watching aimless youtube videos, why not watch some highlights of Chris Paul or Steph Curry and work on your dribbling skills between clips? And when you're showering and your mind starts to wander to places it shouldn't go, start singing your favorite T-Swift hit at the top of your lungs! Tough to go down the chemical scale when you're belting out "You Need To Calm Down"!
In each of these reimagined scenarios, we only changed one element. We substitute Lack of Purpose for Focus (singing in the shower, practicing dribbling), Loneliness for Connection (inviting a friend over after school), and took the weapon out of the enemy's hands (taking a church magazine into the bathroom instead of your phone). Simple adjustments to our environment can go miles in helping to win battles or, even better, avoiding them altogether. You cannot lose a battle if you never enter the battlefield.
Hopefully at this point you're thinking of the way that these three elements make their way into your lost battles and you're coming up with ideas to eliminate 1, 2, or all of them the next time you might find yourself in a similar situation. Having proper defenses is essential to winning battles, but winning the war requires having a solid offense as well. In our next article, we'll discuss ways to create an environment that works for us instead of against us.